This post is part of Streams of Consciousness Saturday The word for today is “Rope”
It’s not easy to climb the rock and hold the noose in one hand. Twice my feet slip and I have to start from the beginning. The rope is rough and prickly. It smells like goat. I never thought it would come to this. I thought I could fix it.
I finally make it to the top of the rock. My breath comes in short pants. Sweat runs into my eyes but I don’t want to let go of the rope to wipe it away. As I wriggle the scratchy rope around my head I can still hear those heartless words – those snide guffaws. “You’ve betrayed innocent blood. That’s your affair. What is that to us?”
I thought I could wipe my guilt away by giving the money back. That accursed money. Enough to buy a piece of land and build my own house – away from the nagging of my parents. What got into me?
I’ll never forget the Rabbi’s eyes. He looked at me with love, with acceptance and yet his gaze cut me like a sharpened sword. I stumbled into the darkness, not even knowing where I was going. I didn’t sleep all night. I couldn’t wait for sunrise when the temple opened and I could return the money to the chief priests. But it was all useless. There is no hope for me now. I am in Hell.
I take a deep breath. My senses are acutely aware. The light hurts my eyes. The sun is blazing but I feel cold. So cold. I jump.
This post is inspired by Matthew 26 and 27. Judas’ sin was no greater than ours. We all think we know the best thing to do based on our being the centre of our own lives. We all think we can fix our own lives and we don’t need help from anybody – let alone God. We all choose our own way and ignore the God who made us and His claim on our lives and love.
But there is hope for us that there wasn’t for Judas. Ephesians 1:7 says,
“In [Jesus] we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace.”
There is no sin that we can commit that is greater than God’s forgiveness and no sinner beyond the reach of God’s love.
My Father in Heaven, Forgive me my sins and may I forgive those who sin against me. Please keep me from temptation and save me from the evil one. Amen.